I always thought life was about force. Effort. Discipline.

That if I pushed myself hard enough, through sheer will, I could have the experience of life I always wanted.

That if I meditated hours every day, I’d finally achieve lasting inner peace.

That if I underwent years of therapeutic practices and healing modalities, I’d finally be free of my lifelong relationship attachment and sexual issues.

That if I painstakingly followed the right health regimens every hour of every day, I’d finally be free from my debilitating chronic health issues.

That if I woke up before dawn and followed a strict 3 hour morning routine, I’d finally achieve consistent fulfillment and invigoration.

And I was consistent AF.

I stuck to every routine, every regimen, every habit, with a relentless determination to get what I wanted or die trying.

But no matter how much damn effort I put in…it was never enough.