If your relationship isn’t feeling alive; if it’s feeling stuck or stagnant; if you’re constantly wondering if you’d be happier with someone else…
…then your relationship is lacking tension (the right kind of tension).
Tension that comes from the both of you fully owning the truth of yourselves with each other. Without sanding off the edges.
Tension that comes from a relationship constantly growing, evolving, and pushing up against it’s former bounds…then bursting straight through to richer, more intimate territory.
Tension that comes from continuously dancing on the razor’s edge of the unknown, rather than settling in the comfort zone of the known.
Tension that comes from putting what’s true FIRST, not the relationship. And being willing to risk the entire relationship for truth.
But so many of us are doing the exact opposite: suppressing our truth for the relationship.
To hide or smooth over any parts of ourselves that might bring up “discomfort” (aka tension) in the relationship.
Constantly contorting ourselves to dissipate any sign of tension – then mistaking the resulting relief as a sign of well-being.
And then we wonder why we start to feel a low-grade deadness in the background. A dullness. An offness…but why? There are no big “problems”. We’re getting along fine, right?
(This is also when the tension can start to bubble out sideways via unclean channels. Where it manifests as unhealthy, dishonest, or “toxic” behaviors.)
And then our minds start tinkering, looking for solutions in the external:
Do they actually make me fulfilled? Are we right for each other? Would I be happier with someone else, or is this just how relationships are?
But you don’t get the answer to these questions by THINKING about them (as if it was a math problem to solve).
It’s answered by the tension itself – if you stop trying so hard to suppress it and allow it to naturally do it’s damn thing!
Then, the tension will eventually reveal that you are, in fact, incompatible…or will propel you even deeper into greater intimacy, love, and connection.
All you have to do is stop contorting yourself to make the relationship WORK (as if it’s some sort of project that needs to be properly managed)…
…and start letting the full authenticity of yourselves come to the surface. Without guardrails or bubble padding.
Then let the tension of the truth emerge.
Dance with it.
And let it take you and your relationship exactly where it needs to go.
**Hint: all of the above also applies to your relationship with life, regardless of romantic status.
